2012 has been an eventful year. I've survived 2 or 3 apocalypses, a get-back-together, a break up, 2 sets of exams (one of which straight after the break-up), a funeral, a diamond jubilee, a cup triumph against Celtic, an eventful Olympics and enough alcohol to float the titanic. It's been a busy year and I just don't know how 2013 is going to compare.
Truth be told, I'm scared to find out.
I don't want to know what heart-break, tragedy or pain I am going to go through in the next 12 months. I know that that's a pessimistic way of looking at it but what else am I meant to do? I can't live my life "taking it on the chin" "keeping my chin up" or even just being optimistic.
I am sick and tired of feeling nothing, of feeling empty, like I mean nothing. That I contribute nothing. That I barely exist. That I'm here and not where I should be.
I behave differently in different places. At uni, you might know the sarcastic, witty Andrew or the fun, happy Andrew. You might remember the quiet, introvert of 1st and 2nd year. In Kirkcaldy, depending on where you know me from, you'll either know the quiet, hard working pie man or the quiet, chess team captain/ depute head boy of high school. I have far too many faces, far too many different people that I am trying to be, some of which I hate, and yet, all of them are me.
And this scares me too.
My classmates from school are getting old. We're getting old. Some people are getting engaged, some are already married and some have children. Plural.
I'm growing up. And that terrifies me.
Do you see a trend here?
The future is a scary thing for all of us. Some more than others. I know a load of people that have far more problems than I do, I understand that some people have it better than I do, that's just life. There is always someone better and always someone worse.
Just writing all of this down makes me feel better, more confident and more alive. That's why I write these things.
I feel that when 2013 starts I can look at the world and spit in it's eye.
I'm Andrew. And I'm back.
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.
