A guide to sarcasm. Andrew style.
Well, lately, whenever I am back in Kirkcaldy, I cannot help but overhear young people saying "You're so sarcastic ________" I am here as your knight in shining armour to guide you in the do's and don't's of sarcasm. But first...
What is sarcasm?
According to some very clever people who write the Oxford dictionary, Sarcasm is "the use of irony to mock or convey contempt." So then, explain how "You're a douchebag" is sarcastic. It isn't. [send to small person on the number 13 bus of Kirkcaldy.]
According to Wikipedia, sarcasm is "a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter jibe or taunt" However, they say that some believe it needs irony and others believe it doesn't. I don't believe being sarcastic needs irony but it can help. For example, if someone asked me if I was hurt after I fell down two flights of stairs, me saying "Well naw!" does not contain irony, but it is sarcastic. It's not very imaginative though. So, same example, I fall down two flights of stairs and someone asks if I'm hurt. I could say, "No, I enjoy feeling like my kidneys have burst." That is much better sarcasm because it seems like more effort has gone into it's creation and because it contains a hint of irony. Of course I don't enjoy feeling like my kidneys have burst, therefore this is sarcasm.
If you are going to try sarcasm...
The main rule of being good at sarcasm is for it to come naturally. Sorry any of you who wanted to learn how to be sarcastic. You either got it or you don't. However, I will put some stock sarcasm at the end of the page to help you out. (That was sarcasm...)
Yeah, anyway, if you have a small skill at sarcasm, then well done! Welcome to the club. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time here. (Sarcasm again...)
Some people are more sarcastic than others. Take my good self for example. I have been described as being "highly sarcastic with a dry sense of humour" So I would put myself at a class 2 on the classic and time honoured scale of sarcasm. Here is that scale...
The time honoured scale of sarcasm
Thought of in 2010 by Andrew McArdle. Copyrighted. (c)
Class 4- Minor sarcasm. Expect plenty of "Well naw" and eye rolling.
Class 3- Major sarcasm. Can put together basic sarcastic sentences. Not very good at targeting at particular people/topics.
Class 2- Extreme sarcasm. Puts sarcastic sentences together naturally and can unleash them upon an unsuspecting victim at any time. Highly dangerous. Avoid if possible.
Class 1- Over-the-top sarcasm. This is where sarcasm degenerates into nasty insults and shouting. Some sarcasm but can be easily annoyed if you manage to retaliate with a sarcastic comment. Lethal if provoked. Avoid at all costs.
(Just in case you were wondering, that was not sarcasm. That was all honest and hard earned truth...)
The Do's of sarcasm...
Be funny. There's no point in sarcasm if you use a language no one understands, or pitching it too intelligent or crude for nearby people.
Be appropriate. Obviously, there are times when sarcasm is not appropriate. At all. Examples include police interrogation rooms, funerals and whenever "Strictly Come Dancing" is on.
Believe in your sarcasm. If you don't feel like you're being sarcastic, then you aren't. Get in the zone. And do whatever it is you do there...
The Don't's of sarcasm...
Don't insult. You aren't here just to insult people. You are here to lightly mock someone. Just to tell them to back off insulting you or you can get sarcastic on their behinds.
Don't pick on one person. (Unless they really deserve it.) Being picked on by constant sarcasm has driven certain people to suicide. I can't name names until the stupid court decides that I'm not guilty of manslaughter unfortunately. Anyway, don't pick on people.
Don't tangle with someone you know is more sarcastic than you. It gets messy. Real messy.
Anyway, if you follow the rules and you actually have talent, you'll be sarcastic in no time...
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.
No comments:
Post a Comment