Enjoy.
This is a page dedicated to the great St. Andrew 'Astronomy' McArdle. The "St" is not to be confused with "Saint". It in fact stands for "Studly", hence Studly Andrew 'Astronomy' McArdle.
It is undocumented as to when or where St. Andrew was born, however most experts say
he was born around the time Jesus went to High School, and in the middle of the Red Sea. Although this is widely rumoured, it is thought that his parents were a blue whale and an otter. Others also believe he travelled his way up through the centre of the Earth using some sort of tunnel mechanism. This theory was majorly endorsed by St. Andrew on many occassions, but yet to be put to mainstream use, much to St. Andrew's strife.
After St. Andrew was "born" in the Red Sea, he swam to the nearest country, which happened to be Yemen. In this country St. Andrew discovered basic morales in life and grew up on them. His early life took place during the Ice Age, where he survived by eating ice and accidentally inventing what we know now as ice hockey. He also grew up in the Stone Age, where St Andrew helped develop using rocks to hit things instead of the brow bone. He made a living out of wrestling elderly camels for money. He has never lost yet, and the camel community have been petrified of St. Andrew to this day, as a result St Andrew has been known as 'The Middle Eastern Avenger' for centuries.
In Yemen, St. Andrew had a strict intake of weasel souls and weasel souls only. The soul supply came from the weasel farm St. Andrew would harvest on weekends. The soulless weasels would eventually end up contributing to St. Andrew's army against the Scandanavian in St Andrew's victory of the Great Viking Head Bash in 1805.
St. Andrew has had many partners in life, estimated at around 347 women and 9 earthworms. St. Andrew has helped to repopulate Yemen with all of his partners, and it has been discovered that St. Andrew has contributed in at least one obscure way to 70% of the planet's population. However, all of St. Andrew's romances have come to a tragic end due to the result of each relationship becoming too close.
Due to a mild medical disorder, St. Andrew has an extremely powerful gravitational pull, and has crushed every single partner he has had. In extreme grief, St. Andrew swam to Scotland as an escape from reality. A mere blank canvas at the time, St. Andrew took the population of sheep and created a super species, now known as Scottish. This however had terrible consequences. Accidentally, St. Andrew ate too many carrots, and created a ginger race. St. Andrew has openly apologised for this on numerous occassions.
In actual fact St. Andrew is as bald as a bowling ball, and singlehandedly keeps every head polish company on earth afloat, however, after accidentally killing an ox, he tore all of it's hair off and wore the hair in memory of it.
In Scotland, St. Andrew found relief from the magnitude of stress he was under in Yemen where he was involved in so many tragedies. He managed to make newer and evidently more enchanted friends. He even met his best friend to date, Lawrence (left). St. Andrew and Lawrence have been through many epic adventures together, too many to count on an abacus.
St. Andrew also spent his time in Scotland investigating the night sky. This time ended up being the invention of astronomy. St. Andrew is the discoverer of astronomy, and leading expert in all things astronomy. Every planet and their moons are said to be named after all of St. Andrew's life partners, in memory of their crushed bones.
St. Andrew has since grown to realise that his life is wasted without someone to share his sheer passion with. This has made him build up the courage to find a new partner, whose name is unknown to the general public, but they are widely believed to the the person pictured (right). It is thought that the relationship has lasted so far as the couple have never been within a 10 metre radius of each other.
St. Andrew has led a great legacy so far, and the history of his legend will live on for as long as everything is right in the world.
Celebrate the life of St. Andrew yourself every 30th of November, and make the world a better place.
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