For anyone new here, some unknown force causes a vast majority of people to enjoy me talking about my job as a football pieman. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the Raith Rovers Pieman.
Well, I say "the". What I mean is I am one of many pieman/womanses who currently have the pleasure to serve anybody who wishes to tuck upon our humble fare. We only sell sophisticated food to those who truly appreciate it. The humble football fan. Here is an example of the finely worded requests for our truly magnificent services.
"Cun ah hay 3 steak pies, 2 cheese burgahs, a hot dog wi' onins onit an' a Diet Coke please"
Ah. Can you feel the class, the breeding of this fine gentleman? Well I couldn't. Not at all. I can never work out why some people feel that after ordering all that food, that a diet coke will help. Ladies, Gentlemen, it doesn't work like that.
Let's drop the act, I sell pies and fizzy drinks to people at a football game. The main reason people come down to football games is to week in, week out, watch their team trudge through another game and hopefully scrape a draw from the bottom of the barrel. When they come to see me, spirits have long gone past dampened and have hit drowned. It's a losing battle trying to engage most in any form of anything but the most basic conversation.
"How's the game sir?"
"Shite"
"..."
"Can I get a bovril with that too?"
See what I mean?
As much as you could stereotypicallise (If that isn't a word, it is now) all of the fans as grumps, some of them are actually quite nice. We have an old man who always tells me to leave the lid off his bovril. Every time. And every time, I take it over to him with the lid on and take it off in front of him. Just to show him how much effort I put into this job.
There is another man who always, without fail, buys two "well-fired" macaroni pies. There have only been two occasions when he did not purchase his usual two. 1- When he'd been out for his lunch before the game. And even though he didn't buy anything, he came up to me personally and apologised for not purchasing his usual. 2- The week after new year when he said "I've gone on a diet." I told him he'd be back for his second before half time. Guess what? He was. And he looked very embarrassed when I gave him the pie I'd held back for him.
Personally, this is what makes my job worth doing. It's not the fact I am paid to carry out a service, it's the fact that despite the dismal atmosphere that seeps into us all, there are still a few diamonds in the coal face. And that's something we should all see about life more often. Sometimes, when things seem at their worst, you'll find the best thing you could ever have hoped for.
Wow. I'm good.
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.
Not had a macaroni pie for ages, might try for one at Hampden next week. Do you think they'll have a sprinkling of cayenne pepper or should I bring my own?
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