#96 - "It's not all fairy tales and roses Andrew..."

(Almost there people... 100 is around the corner)

I apologise. The following account is about me, my life and how I see University.

It's bad.
It's bad here.

It isn't the fact that I don't like Chemistry. I do like chemistry, specifically physical chemistry, but the amount we get to do is pitiful. This means that a fair chunk of the subject I am here to do, is not my cup of tea. I don't mind transition metals. I don't mind main group. But organics. My Thursday lecture. I hate. I do not like Organic Chemistry at all. With it's curly arrows, it's reaction mechanisms and all the stupid, pointless, boring information that you need to memorise.

It feels good getting that out my system...

Right, next up. My accommodation. Apparently, it's getting pulled down after I leave apparently. GOOD! My room felt like a jail cell until I got some posters up. It still feels like a jail cell if I'm honest. Well, closer to a room in a psychiatrics hospital. It's not because I'm crazy (well...) It's because of the isolation. I'm a loner by nature but I do like to socialise. Occasionally. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go on most of the Fresher week events with the rest of Pentland because I was under 18, so I never got a chance to get to know people and conversely, they never got to know me.
My room itself is isolated. It's squeezed into the gap between two corridors. I'm in a bit doored off by itself. With a corridor with 4 rooms on the right and 5 on the left. Doored off. I know that doesn't seem like much but it feels like a wall. My room is different to the other rooms I've seen in Pentland making me feel even more different. The kitchen is downstairs. The lounge is upstairs. No one has any need to be on my floor apart from to see the warden or to go to sleep.

See, just writing all this is putting me in a bad mood. Honestly. Well, "I've started so I'll finish."

I'm in catered accommodation. This means I get all my meals cooked for me. I don't need to do any cooking. So, the kitchen contains a fridge, a microwave and a kettle. This doesn't bother me. I'm not a big fan of cooking. What I miss is the option to cook. The option to have a bacon sandwich at 10pm. That kind of thing. All catering shuts at 8pm. I have to buy junk food if I want anything else after that. (I can buy fruit, but it's not fresh) I've steadily been gaining weight since I came to uni. And I think it's because of the choice of food. I know that they are trying to keep it healthy, but when every day the "healthy option" is also the "vegetarian option" things get a bit boring. (Nothing against vegetarians... You should all know that)

I have made friends. At Watt Gamers. I go once or twice a week. That is pretty much the extent of my social life here. I sometimes go to "Our Union." A bar so lacking in atmosphere it should be called the ISS.
I thought that moving out would make me more independent from my parents. I thought I'd finally be out from under their shadow. No. My parents pay for my accommodation. I go home most weekends to get my washing done for free. I get free food and board when I go home. And I have never, ever thanked my parents properly. One day, I'll make it up to them. One day, I might get the courage to show them this post and show them how I feel about Uni. I have a brilliant girlfriend. I have loads of friends. I have a Fantastic mum and a Amazing dad. Even Dene's ok. But, for some reason, I feel more alone than I ever have. More cut off in my cell here than I could have imagined after receiving my "ticket to freedom" bearing the word "unconditional" on it. I don't like university nearly as much as I imagined I would. I thought it would all be like 6th year. When I was finally beginning to be more confident. Be more me. Be liked by other people. But I got here. And I crawled back into my shell.

It is because of all of this, and the fact that this is a lot of money to be asking my parents for, that I have decided that I will be commuting to university next year from Kirkcaldy. From my parents house. Bubs, I'm coming home.

I hope that, if you are at university, or if you plan on going, or even if you are already here, that you have a better time than I have shown here.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.