Another year, another story.

Well, 2012 is almost away. Gone and lost forever. That's the thing about time, once we've had it, it's gone forever and nothing we can do can bring it back.
2012 has been an eventful year. I've survived 2 or 3 apocalypses, a get-back-together, a break up, 2 sets of exams (one of which straight after the break-up), a funeral, a diamond jubilee, a cup triumph against Celtic, an eventful Olympics and enough alcohol to float the titanic. It's been a busy year and I just don't know how 2013 is going to compare.

Truth be told, I'm scared to find out.

I don't want to know what heart-break, tragedy or pain I am going to go through in the next 12 months. I know that that's a pessimistic way of looking at it but what else am I meant to do? I can't live my life "taking it on the chin" "keeping my chin up" or even just being optimistic.
I am sick and tired of feeling nothing, of feeling empty, like I mean nothing. That I contribute nothing. That I barely exist. That I'm here and not where I should be.

I behave differently in different places. At uni, you might know the sarcastic, witty Andrew or the fun, happy Andrew. You might remember the quiet, introvert of 1st and 2nd year. In Kirkcaldy, depending on where you know me from, you'll either know the quiet, hard working pie man or the quiet, chess team captain/ depute head boy of high school. I have far too many faces, far too many different people that I am trying to be, some of which I hate, and yet, all of them are me.

And this scares me too.


My classmates from school are getting old. We're getting old. Some people are getting engaged, some are already married and some have children. Plural.

I'm growing up. And that terrifies me.

Do you see a trend here?

The future is a scary thing for all of us. Some more than others. I know a load of people that have far more problems than I do, I understand that some people have it better than I do, that's just life. There is always someone better and always someone worse.

Just writing all of this down makes me feel better, more confident and more alive. That's why I write these things.

I feel that when 2013 starts I can look at the world and spit in it's eye.
I'm Andrew. And I'm back.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Moving out and Liking things.

Hi guys. I'm back.

Well, I've moved out to the big city. To find my fortune where the streets are paved with gold. To become a man. To do all those stereotypical things in films. You know the ones. And, I'm back in Kirkcaldy.

Yeah, kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it.

There is a reason for being back but it's fairly boring. I voted today and I have my work night out tomorrow. Yes, piemen have nights out.

So, onto the meat and potatoes part of this post. Something that has been eroding all of my niceness and acceptance of everything. Facebook.

Yes, we're back to hating on Facebook again. I've done it before and I'll probably do it another million times but I couldn't leave it. What else would I spend my time on. Something productive?

Now, some of you might think, Timeline. It's got to be timeline. Well, you're wrong. Very wrong. My problem with Facebook right now is you. Yes, you.

People suck. It's a well accepted fact. When gathered in groups of more than 3, people tend to be dicks. But I'm not even bothered by how much of an idiot some people can be. I'm going to answer most peoples problems on Facebook in the next few lines.
Yes dear, he doesn't like you. Move on, you're about 14 years old.
Put a shirt on you posing wannabe pop-star.
If your status is less than 3 words, don't post it.
Wow, typing song lyrics must show how much of a deep and caring person you think you are and not the shallow worthless husk that the rest of the world knows you are.

That last one was probably a bit harsh, but I like the word husk.

That's not even the real reason I want to rant at you all. The reason is "Like and we will donate..." and "Like this if..."

Right then. Let's shatter every single one of your illusions. If a company is donating one dollar/pound/yen/imperial credit/other for every "like" then you liking it has, at most, donated one unit of currency. Now, nice as that is, why don't you donate yourself? If you feel so strongly that a cause needs money to save this child that needs a heart transplant/remove minefields from war torn countries and/or to fund research into self sustaining penguin jet-packs then why don't you put a little bit of effort in and make sure that your cause benefits. There is no guarantee that the thing you have "liked" will get anything. Like it or not, people lie. And companies are even worse.

Next up, "Like this if..." No. Just no. If you're asking for a like you don't get one you attention seeking, pathetic, like-whore. If you do like them, you're just feeding their ego, nothing else. You aren't doing anything. You haven't gained anything apart from a warm sense of smugness that is absolutely insignificant and comparable to the warm feeling down your leg as you urinate on yourself. You haven't contributed to a cause, you haven't helped. All you have done, is press a button. (Two if you've shared it)
I find it inspiring that a soldier can come back from a war with burns covering his entire body and still walk down the aisle with his sister. Honestly, it makes me want to do something better with my life than sit and like things on Facebook.
I don't need to "Like for heaven" and ignoring doesn't mean I'm in love with Satan.
I'm not going to like if I agree, remember or have seen something. I know I like things, I don't need to tell everybody about it.
If you have "liked and shared" a photo, all you are doing is shouting at your friends "HEY, LOOK AT ME. I'M SUCH A GOOD PERSON. I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU ALL."

If feeling that way really means that much to you, go and do something with your life.

I know the irony of posting this on Facebook but I'm doing it anyway.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Dusting off an imagination.

Ok, the gaps between these posts are getting longer and longer. My bad guys, definitely my bad.

Right, what to say. Well, I could start with this... I want to write something.

You know, a story, a novel, a book. One or all of the above.

There is one slight teensy tiny problem. Starting it. With exams, work, moving to Edinburgh, trying to get the girl, save the world and then subsequently subjugate it to my will, there isn't much spare time for just sitting thinking of a story. With my imagination running circles in my head as usual, picking one idea out isn't easy either. So, you know, I'll plod on with tha...

Hold on. We'll go back to story time after. Go back a bit there. "rk, moving to Edinburgh, tr" Yeah, I may have forgotten to tell some of you. I'm moving to Edinburgh. Very soon. As in, before the end of this month. It's a good thing. It's not me, it's you. Or something like that. So long Kirkcaldy, as a wise Jedi once said, "I'll be back." Or was that from Star Trek? I get those all mixed up sometimes.

Anyway, back onto topic. After these exams are finished, I plan to sit down and just whack out my ideas into a coherent form. Hopefully, some of it might form words. If you want to find out about it once I have something, let me know. I need critics to keep me on the straight and narrow. And stuff like that. You know, so I don't end up writing something about sparkling vampires and a lust story between a vampire and something he would consider food. Like me and a steak. Actually, that could work. Teenage girls suck up that kind of stuff, don't they?

Write "Man falls in love with Steak" Book ---> Publish ----> ???? -----> Profit.

Simples.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

When words fail us.

Hi all.


Well, it's been a while. I say this a lot, but I do try and blog often, it's just the right words at the right time are such a hard thing to write/say. I've noticed this more and more recently. 
As my good friend Dumbledore said:

"Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." 

Some people need to think about what these words actually mean. All too often I hear someone being called a Slut, an Idiot or Gay. All too often I hear people say hurtful things to people for no reason. All too often, the nice things are left unsaid.
Believe it or not, that's not why I decided to write this blog. It just came out. What I really want to ask you all is this. 


Have you ever wanted to say something to someone, but couldn't? The reason you couldn't doesn't matter. Yes or no?
I'm going to guess that the vast majority of you will say yes. "Yes, I have wanted to tell ------- something but I couldn't because -------."


Sometimes, finding the right words is hard. Sometimes, knowing what to say and when to say it is impossible. Sometimes, some words are left unsaid, the moment past and the reason for thinking of them forgotten.
Sometimes the reason is good enough. "They weren't ready to hear it." "They don't need to know." "The time wasn't right." "I didn't know what to say."
Sometimes the reason is not good enough. "I was too nervous." "I didn't want to hear the answer." 
Sometimes words aren't enough. Many a time I have tried to say something, my mouth opens and no intelligible sound comes out. That's happened way too often for me to be happy about it.


One day, I'll be able to say all the things I want to say to all the people I want to say things to. Or maybe not. Maybe they'll move away before I manage to find the right words. All that matters is that I intend to say them. One day.


Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

And A Happy Valentines To You Too.

At the risk of seeming like an annoyed singleton, I'm here to discuss matters of vital importance to everyone in the civilised world.

Look guys, IT'S ALMOST VALENTINES DAY!

 As a bitter and twisted member of this so called "society" we live in, I feel shunned and left out of all of the pink and hearty celebrations. I feel like someone who has nothing to contribute with on this holiday of joy and merriment.

I feel, well, not lonely. I feel apart from it all.

But Andrew, I hear you cry, you don't have to fork out all that money on a card! You don't have to pay for a gift! You're free!

Yes. I am free from all the spending of money. But I am also free from spending time with someone I like. I am free from the horrors of being physically and emotionally close to someone I care about. I am free from all of the horribly nice things that being in a good relationship can bring you. I am free and damn it, I'll be happy about it.

Being single on valentines day isn't good because of the not spending money on things. It isn't good because of the not needing to please anyone other than yourself thing. (Whatever things you do to please yourself is between you and your right hand. I don't need to know.)

Being single on valentines day isn't bad because of having to put up with a week of shops having garish hearts, heart shaped chocolates and flower stands the size of small houses. It isn't bad because of the amount of "Romantic Facebook Posts" people put on each others wall. (To clear this up, it is not romantic to post on someone's wall saying "Luff you bbz" or "Love you millions honey." Not at all. It's sickening.)

Being single on Valentines Day is bad because it reminds you of everything you are missing out on. It makes you think of that one person who you know you shouldn't be thinking of. It makes you crave human contact. It ma...

Hey, wait a minute. I'm reminded every day of the little things I miss out on from not being in a relationship. Every day I think of someone I know I shouldn't and have suspicions at my chances with her. Every day I step outside and long for a reason to put one foot in front of the other.

There you have it. Valentines day isn't bad compared to other days. It's just as bad as the rest.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Thoughts from a Raith Rovers Pieman

Hello world. And anyone else out there. Welcome to my mind. And by my mind, I mean the part I'm willing to share with you all.

For anyone new here, some unknown force causes a vast majority of people to enjoy me talking about my job as a football pieman. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the Raith Rovers Pieman.

Well, I say "the". What I mean is I am one of many pieman/womanses who currently have the pleasure to serve anybody who wishes to tuck upon our humble fare. We only sell sophisticated food to those who truly appreciate it. The humble football fan. Here is an example of the finely worded requests for our truly magnificent services.

"Cun ah hay 3 steak pies, 2 cheese burgahs, a hot dog wi' onins onit an' a Diet Coke please"

Ah. Can you feel the class, the breeding of this fine gentleman? Well I couldn't. Not at all. I can never work out why some people feel that after ordering all that food, that a diet coke will help. Ladies, Gentlemen, it doesn't work like that.

Let's drop the act, I sell pies and fizzy drinks to people at a football game. The main reason people come down to football games is to week in, week out, watch their team trudge through another game and hopefully scrape a draw from the bottom of the barrel. When they come to see me, spirits have long gone past dampened and have hit drowned. It's a losing battle trying to engage most in any form of anything but the most basic conversation.

"How's the game sir?"

"Shite"

"..."

"Can I get a bovril with that too?"

See what I mean?

As much as you could stereotypicallise (If that isn't a word, it is now) all of the fans as grumps, some of them are actually quite nice. We have an old man who always tells me to leave the lid off his bovril. Every time. And every time, I take it over to him with the lid on and take it off in front of him. Just to show him how much effort I put into this job.

There is another man who always, without fail, buys two "well-fired" macaroni pies. There have only been two occasions when he did not purchase his usual two. 1- When he'd been out for his lunch before the game. And even though he didn't buy anything, he came up to me personally and apologised for not purchasing his usual. 2- The week after new year when he said "I've gone on a diet." I told him he'd be back for his second before half time. Guess what? He was. And he looked very embarrassed when I gave him the pie I'd held back for him.

Personally, this is what makes my job worth doing. It's not the fact I am paid to carry out a service, it's the fact that despite the dismal atmosphere that seeps into us all, there are still a few diamonds in the coal face. And that's something we should all see about life more often. Sometimes, when things seem at their worst, you'll find the best thing you could ever have hoped for.

Wow. I'm good.

Peace out bubs.

Andrew out.

New Year - New Me.

Evening all. Or if it isn't evening when you decide to read this, then you should wait until evening to read it. Simple.

For those of you expecting a "Traditional Post" relating to my recent relationship stuff, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. I'm not doing it. I'm not going to do things because people expect me to or because it's tradition. More on that in this post.

I'm going to do what is right for me.

I have noticed recently that I am always so busy making sure other people are happy, that I neglect my own happiness as a result. No one will know who, or what I am talking about, but trust me on this. It's not something I want to get into more details on at the moment.

Sometimes, it feels like people can just walk all over me. Why? Because I've let them. Because in the past I have allowed people to believe I won't stand up for myself and not fight back.

I am tired of being the last thing people think about. I am sick of being the afterthought. "Oh, Andrew won't mind, he'll just go along with it." I am fed up of being the background noise to life's soundtrack. No. No more. No more "going along with it." No more putting every single person before myself. No more lying down and letting people walk over me. No more weakness.

This is why I am putting my New Year Resolutions here. So you can all see them. So you will all understand when I do something you never thought I'd do. So you'll all understand when I stand up for myself.

1. Be slightly more selfish. Think of yourself for once.
2. Work harder at Uni.
3. Stand up for yourself. At Uni, at work, at home.
4. Stop letting people kick you while you're down.
5. Stand out from the crowd.
6. Lose some weight.
7. Play guitar more. Much more.
8. Play Uke more. Much more.

I'm sorry to you all for making this all very personal. Lots of "you"'s and "yourself"'s but I need to do this. I need to be able to read this post and see that I have to work harder. I have to be better. And I damn well will.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.