Planning ahead and the "Board of super evil"

As a minor celebrity, I always get asked "Andrew, what are your ambitions in life?" Well, in this post, I intend answering about my ambitions.

Taking over the world.


Now, many people have wanted to do this, but have lacked either the resources, the intelligence or the man power. Well, I will succeed where others have failed.

From an early age I have watched the evil villains plans being thwarted time and time again by bad acting and even worse 1 dimensional characters. I have watched as villains have been portrayed as idiots who do not post guards at ventilation tunnels, leave weak points in death stars and attempt to kill a pesky secret agent with slow moving machinery.

Well, no more! I will not bother with the clichéd woman that is "loyal" only to me. I will send in a transvestite male who has been especially chosen for the job. If he/she doesn't kill the agent, then the horror of having had sex with him/her will. I will not attempt to kill the secret agent with slow moving machinery, bowler hats and/or lasers. I will shoot him. In the head. Repeatedly if necessary. I will cover the "exhaust port" with continually firing lasers if possible to detonate any proton torpedoes at the entrance to the shaft. If this is not a viable option then i shall cover the exhaust port with the corpses of men that have failed me. Simple.

Ventilation shafts will be greased, spiked, heated to unbearable temperatures and lead directly away from my main control room/jail/power generator. Instead, they will go in a loop, bypassing all crucial rooms, and lead back outside. Or failing that, will be too small to crawl through. Big problem, simple solution.

How do I intend taking over the world? Simple. It's already happening. You just don't know it yet. Let's just say it involves hamsters, snow plows and enough salad vegetables to cover France...

Anyway, I have already promised land in "the new world" to people. But it is not too late to swear loyalty to me. Accept me as your master and I will allow you the rule of the country/area/region of your wish.

"Oh my Andrew, how can I sign up?" - Timmy the innocent school boy.

Simple Timmy, just leave a comment saying
 "I think I should control ______ because _________"
or
"I want to be --enter position of power here-- because________"
 and I will judge who deserves what.

At the moment we have.

Overlord Andrew the Merciless, the Slayer of countries, Consumer of souls and Beloved by all.
"The Overlords Love" Conqueror of China. Wife of the Overlord. Director of Space and Time.

"The Comical Violinist Mortimer Le Tete". Controller of England and the Irish Isle. Commander of the armies and Second in Command.
"1.5." Moon Base Commander and 1.5 in command.
"Lamia". Ruler of Australia, Orkney and the "smilie isles." Queen of the damned and Chief Enforcer of the Overlords will.
"Quella." Beloved of Antarctica and the Himalayan mountains. Assistant to the Chief Enforcer.
"Lady Rain". Enslaver of Mauritius. Commander of the Navy and Director of Research.

"The Red Death". Caesar of the Ex-Dominican Republic. Assassin of Marque and Head of "Motivation".
"Pebbles". The Re-educator of the US. Director of Epic Music and the Slayer of Beliebers.

"Mustard Trousers" Controller of the Alt and Delete.
"Condon" Ruler of the Nuclear Wasteland (Previously Canada.) Director of Mutant relations and Court jester.
"The Shrouded" Governor for life of Hong Kong, Taiwan, Vietnam and Russia. Director of global communications.

There are more positions to fill. So don't forget to comment. 

Peace out bubs.

Andrew out.

Horoscope issues?

**NOTE- Most of this post is pictures. Do not be put off by it's length.**

Well then, I felt the need to blog about something which everyone seems to have felt has a deep significance in their lives. Their horoscope or star sign.

Recently it has been revealed that someone has added a new star sign to the whole schebang. Well, in my opinion. Why? Seriously, the world was happy with being what they were. Some people felt that because they are a Libra, they have certain qualities. And now, apparently, they have new qualities. Anyone else see a small problem with that? I do.

According to the "new rules," I am no longer a Scorpio as Scorpio is the shortest lived star sign with only 6 days available to it. I am now a Libra. So, what I'm saying is, I have went from one of the coolest star signs to one of the most boring and annoying.

Scorpions = Cool

So, in response, I have decided to do two things.
1- Completely ignore this upstart star sign. Seriously, I don't like it, it doesn't like me so I'm just going to ignore it. And remain a Scorpio.
2- This.

Andrews New Astrological Signs

January 

"Lara Croftians" are known to be crafty, good with their weapons and spend most of their time looting old ruins. They also seem to be a magnet for any and all supernatural/weird/strange goings on in the world. 

February

"Crashes" are fun to be around, crazy and enjoy the simple things. Like thwarting villains with rockets in their heads etc. Usually only makes random noises and lacks the capacity to talk properly. Has been known to get addicted to "Wumpa Fruit." Which we all know is just a street name for crack.

March

"Spyros" are passionate, fun-loving, purple fire breathing dragons. Well, maybe not that last bit but still! Enjoy flying around and seeing new places and staring evilly at me as I write this down... "Spyros" are awesome... Don't hit me spyro! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg

April

"Mario's" are always plumbers that have a side job as a detective for any and every kidnapping unit in the world. With an unbelievable knack at crawling through pipes to save princesses, Mario's are always in high demand. Especially from the ladies with the moustache they are required to grow by law.

May

"Clouds" are super soldiers. Bred to kill. Extremely deadly and apparently, good in bed. Apparently. Usually found compensating by having on oversized sword. (see above)

June

"Abe's" normally spend a lot of time attempting to save the rest of their species. Usually found attempting to free prisoners of the vile machine that turns us all into juice. Seriously.

July

"Pac-men" are the waste disposal experts of the modern world. If they can't eat it then it obviously is a ghost and needs to be avoided. May have the unfortunate side effect of eating everything.

August

"I-can't-remember-this-guys-namians" are skeletal, happy and generally impossible to find on the internet. Making my job harder.

September

"Sonics" are well known for being fast, cheeky and annoying. Usually spend their time running around collecting gold rings so they have as much "bling" as other sonics do.

October

"Princes" have an overinflated feeling of self-confidence which is undeserved. Can control time to do whatever they want. So, you might have been attacked by a Prince. But you wouldn't know it.

November

"Snakes" are the best. Why? Because I said so! Sneaky, cunning and usually rough shaven. Can be found to have a weird obsession with trying to eat exotic animals.

December

"Ray men" are usually not very confident due to the lack of arms, legs and neck. Can be found dealing with shady customers and is a bad influence on others.

Peace out bubs.

Andrew out.

A post of many topics (II)

Right, this is the fourth attempt of me starting this post. Hopefully I can finish it this time...

So, it's the 7th. Of January. Yeah. I can hear you all screaming out at me "So Andrew, are you now pointing out the bleeding obvious in all your blogs?" Well, at the moment yes. So quiet in front. Other people are here too.

Where was I? Oh yeah, it's the 7th. Why is this important? It isn't. I'm just pointing out the bleeding obvious. So there.


Right, onto the blog then. This weekend, the McArdle family will be blessed, or cursed, with a new member. Doesn't have a name yet and we don't even know what gender it will be.
I am obviously talking about my brothers pet.
Yes. After years of pestering, my brother has managed to convince my (and his) parents that getting him a pet is a good idea. Well done. I've been trying to convince them that he was adopted at birth since I could talk and that hasn't worked so obviously he's better at convincing than me.
Anyway, he is getting a Gecko. Yes. Gecko. It's like a lizard. But more Geckoish. (Of course that's a word) And not just any Gecko. A leopard gecko! It's like a cat-lizard. It will eat live crickets. Apparently.
I can see only one small problem with that. Crickets make lots of noise. At night. When sane people are sleeping. I can see my parents getting annoyed at this new addition to the family very quickly. Oh well. Good luck to them all. I don't live here that often anyway.


Well, I guess I should mention that my uni starts again on Monday. Fantastic. I just got used to my own bed. Oh well, I'm sure loads of people will visit to keep me company...
I said I'm sure loads of people will visit!
Oh what's the use...


I. Hate. Apple.

Seriously, I do. Right then everyone. I am going to be selling you something which I say is cool. Which is faulty, expensive and pretty much the same as the last con product I sold you.
And we fall for it. Most people will admit to owning an apple product of some kind. Mac, ipod, iphone, idon'tcareaboutmycustomers, etc.
I do not. I do not own any apple products and I am proud to admit it. I will also be one of the few survivors when apple presses "the death switch" and all their products release a toxic gas. You have been warned.


I am once again in a relationship. Which is good by the way... Just thought I'd share that with you all. You know, cause you all care so much about what happens in my life and come here to read about me and my life and not just hope I flip out and rant about something. Well, I am happy. (Which doesn't happen very often) So obviously, Alannah is amazing. Simple as that. (Cute enough? =])


That brings me to my last topic. The "C" word. Or "cute" as some foul mouthed people call it. Some people have once again taken to calling me with this derogative name despite my best efforts to have it wiped off the face of the planet. Obviously, my lawsuits are not harsh enough. So, not only will anyone using the "c" word be punished with the death penalty but they will also be drawn and quartered and bits sent to the major cities in the world to show an example of what happens to people who call me cute.
Just kidding.
Or am I...


Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

The year ahead...

Well then, we are now 3 days into a new year and I can confirm, it has been a very happy new year. Seriously, I feel awesome.

Well, then, I looked back over last year last time. So I guess it's only fair to look to the year ahead. I know most people don't do New Year's Resolutions but I thought I'd give it a bash this year for once.

Andrew's Badass Resolutions


Well, number 1. Lose weight. It's quite obvious why. But it must be done. For everyone's sake. If I get any bigger I'll knock people off Great Britain. Seriously, when we sink, I'm so sorry.

Number 2. Gain confidence. I need to be more, umm, outgoing. At the moment, I am quite shy unless a) I know the person I'm with. or b) I'm drunk. Very drunk. I want that to change. Now. So, here is confident Andrew. Can you tell?

Number 3. Exercise. I mentioned this in a previous post. So, Yeah. That is still a resolution.

Last one. Party more. Seriously. P.A.R.T.A.Y. All the time. Wooo!

Anyway, I said I would thank people in this post. So, here is the list.

Everyone.

That is all. If I was to thank everyone individually, we'd be here a while. So if you comment on my facebook link, I will tell you what I am thanking you for.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.