Bible Part II, Apostles Revenge.

According to Chris, the title is what my blog is like.
Well, personally I think it's like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" on steroids. And with an alcohol problem. And in a strip club. While jumping on a trampoline. Now, thats a image that the English department would be proud of me using.


Well, Monday, that was boring. Got up. Went to school. Did work. Go home. Go teach. Sleep. Sounds fun don't it? (Kids still need to learn that Andrew is always right though. Cheeky so and so's)


Tuesday hasn't been much better actually. Geography *shudder* and now sitting at home doing nothing. Admittedly 6th period wasn't too bad. Though Jello's notes may never feel the same again. *Om-nom-nom.*


As I am listening to Queen at this exact moment I feel I have to do this...

*headbangs while doing air guitar*

I feel much better after that.


So onto serious matters. It's Spring right? My calendar didn't lie to me. So can someone explain why it is snowing right now? I'm confused and annoyed. Didn't we get enough snow in December - February? I thought there was something called, you know, "Global Warming." When are we going to see some of this warming? And when will the snow stop? It's like God has dandruff or something. (Use Head and Shoulders mate. Gets that right out.) I think we should go through to Edinburgh or Glasgow or London and start shouting "Burn More Fossils! I'm Bloody Freezing!"

Next matter. Speed bumps. Why the hell are they everywhere? My street has three of them. And it's a dead end. So who the hells going to be going faster than 20? Bus drivers also seem determined to hit them at as high a speed as possible. Every time my bus hits one, the whole back row seems to get "air." As fun as this may be, what if someone tall (anyone of my height and above) is standing when we go over one of these things? Pain. Lots of. Not good. I've got enough bad things to say about Stagecoach without them adding concussion to the list.

Final matter. Coats. Yes, you did read that right. I want to rant about my coat. I distinctly remember it said it was "Waterproof" on the label. Well Mr Urban Industries Guy. It's not. At all. Whenever it rains, I'm actually better off taking the blasted thing off. For some reason, it's less waterproof inside the elbows and on my back. This makes me mad. The least a coat could do is keep me warm. But it doesn't. It struggles to even be fashionable (not that I care about that) so why the hell do I wear it? In answer to that, I don't have another one, and until the weather improves, I can't go out to get another one.


Finally, just as a footnote, I am not going to Hampden to watch Raith Rovers against Dundee Utd. I'm not a Raith fan. Honest. I'm a Kilmarnock fan (I don't know why either guys) and I need the money for other things. So I won't be there. If you get to the final though I'll go. Deal? Good.


"That'll do donkey, that'll do."
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Daylight Saving Time (or Andrew's Panic Day)

Well I'm back and in a much better mood than yesterday. Does that sound good to you? It doesn't? I'm obviously doing something wrong then.



One week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Whatever way you look at it, the countdown to carnivoreism has begun. I don't know if I'll be able to contain myself when I can finally eat meat again. Why is it always that you don't realise what you have til it's gone? Cause thats a suckish way of doing things if you want my take on the matter. It's not just meat. Friends, Relatives, Toys (eg twister) all come under that category. (Damn it. I want to play twister now.)



One person has answered my plea for a childhood. One. A person that has every right to hate me. This confuses me. And I don't like being confused. It hurts my head (Not that one sickos) Well, the request is still there. Lion King and someone to watch it with. I feel like I should have one of those charity videos. Something along the lines of "Andrew is a poor boy. But he is not a boy. He has yet to have a childhood. Until then he is a thing. Just one DVD and one person can change this things life forever. Please." with "Bohemian Rhapsody" playing as the backing track.
> I should win an oscar for that.


Watched a few films today. Scooby Doo, Bit of Apollo 13. Bicentenial man. (I still don't know what that one was about as well guys.) All with much funness and hilarity. Woo. Can't beat that on a Sunday can you?

Listening to music usually cheers me up. But right now. I think I'm listening to something I think I shouldn't. "Love, Love. Kiss, Kiss. Blah, Blah, Blah. You're making me sick. I wish you'd just stop, showing off for the rest of us that noone wants to love..." Okay. Lets turn that off shall we.
Thats better. Wait. No it isn't. "Tell my mother, tell my father. I've done the best I can. To make them realise this is my life. I hope they understand...sometimes goodbye is a second chance..." Next.
Okay, what now... "Stop there and let me correct it, I wanna live a life from a new perspective..." Why do I bother with my music. Fingers crossed.
COME ON!!!! "No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man..." Last chance media player. I'm warning you...
Finally. "I've been roaming around always looking down at all I see..." Much better. Well, just slightly. But it'll do.

Well, someone wants to know who I like. I shall not say who wants to know (Chr-s, fill in the blanks people) Not telling, Mr C. Lips are sealed. So there.

Did anyone else forget the clocks went forward? Cause I did. Woke up at half 8 thinking plenty of time. I think I had 10 minutes to get ready once I realised. Bad times. Stupid system. Should change it for a decimal one. With 10 hours in a day. And 100 minutes in an hour. And 100 seconds in a minute. That would work. I shall introduce it when I take over the world.

I. Hate. Farmville. Just saying. It's pointless. It annoys me with all the updates. "Can I get a watering can?" No, you can get the hell of my page though.
While on this topic, I hate the horoscope things on Facebook as well. With a burning passion. I'd consider my left hand in a trade for it to be stopped. Thats how much I hate them.

Anyway, I have crops in farmville that need tending... NOT. I'd rather poke out my eyes with a rusty spatula. No, really. Honest.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

A "Second Best-Friend"

Apologies in advance for this terrible blog. I'll do better next time. I promise. Scouts honour and everything.


Work today, again. Was nowhere near as funny as last week. Not by a long shot. I got people asking for insanely large orders and then saying "It's not all for me..." Yeah, right.

Now, I try to be an honest guy as often as I can. But lately I've been finding it much harder to tell the truth to people. It's not even big things that I lie about but the fact that I'm lying at all is annoying me. Admittedly, sometimes there are some things that should only be known by "me, myself and I" but I think I shall be more honest from now on. I won't lie. But there are some questions I will refuse to answer. So "No Comment" does not mean "Yes" it means "I'm not comfortable talking about this, so back off."

Lately, I've been thinking about my future. A lot. And I've figured out, I don't really have a plan. Go to Uni. Thats it. But then what? Work 9 til 5 from 23 to 65? That doesn't really appeal to me. I guess what I'm gonna end up doing is "winging it." Which isn't the best idea I think, but it's my only idea. So I'm going with it until my already overworked noggin churns out another, better one. I need to start again. I need to find a totally new way of messing up my life.

Well, my to-do list for last week was a flop. I think I accomplished two of the ten things. Not good. I really need to find a way to motivate myself. How about electric shocks like in "dodgeball?" You know the scene I mean.

I've been thinking lately of how a lot of people see me. Someone reminded me of something I was called way back. I'm talking primary school here. "Everyones Second-Best Friend." This may seem like a blessing to a lot of people but I want to say... It's not. Imagine this. You get on really well with someone. But they always have someone they'd rather be with/talking to. You're trusted enough to be told secrets but not enough to be invited out if both of you have nothing to do. Every girl sees you as a "Big brother who they can talk to or be protected by." Every guy sees you as a person who seems to be lucky around girls. But you aren't. Being a "big brother", you can talk to girls about stuff but you can never be liked any other way. You're blessed and cursed with the same thing. And it sucks. You try to change and no one likes it. You are forced back to being the same as you ware before. Thats why I feel I need to start again. It's my only chance at changing.

I think thats enough of a rant for today. Sorry that it's not as entertaining/funny as usual but I'm not in a funny mood. I'm in a "meh" kind of mood.
Sorry guys, I've let you down.


Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Friday I'm in love... well, not love really.

Hi all. It's time for another regular update of my very interesting life.

*rolls eyes*



Quiz Wednesday. then.
I said I couldn't be bothered. True.
I said I would go. True.
I said I would enjoy myself. True.
I said we would win. True.

Boo ya. How's that for a prediction.



Well, thursday was stressful to say the least. Chembob NAB, Fysics NAB and Geogers NAB. Not good. Failed chemistry. (I did know that would happen) Passed physics. (THANK GOD!) Dunno about geography. (Though sabotage may have screwed my chances. You know who you are.)


And today... St Andrews Got Talent. Well, it was epic in my humble opinion. Admittedly, I didn't have the best view. And I was a little busy. But I enjoyed myself, so there. (PS. I was not secretly off stage playing guitar and singing and letting everyone else mime. Honest.)

Also, helping youth group tonight. That was fun. Yay. But like swimming, they need to learn that Andrew is always right. And that you must listen to him. Or else...

Now, I bored. Very bored. I've hit rock bottom. I'm watching "The Simpsons" and they're playing with sock puppets. Oh god...
Someone come and save me now please.

I want meat. Now. I really do. It's so close to easter I can almost taste my victory bacon sandwich. Or the "Steak Pie Of Glory." Or even the "Sausages of... umm... sausagyness??" Well, whatever. It's not got to the point where I visualise everyones faces as steaks or sausages or stuff yet. Not yet anyway... If I were you I'd avoid me next week. Really. I don't want to eat everyones faces off. Not literally anyway. And not everyone anyway. And lets leave that there, shall we, before I say something I'll regret.

Well, I watched "Team America" last night. And I found a character I can relate to. Guess who. Heres a clue. "I'm so ronery." Well, I am "ronery." Bad times. I also have work tomorrow. So I won't be "ronery" I shall be tired. And bored. And ever so slightly richer. Yay.

I HAD A DREAM!!!! No, I am not going to speech. I literally had a dream. And I can remember it. Which is good for one reason, it proves I'm human, but bad for another, I can remember what I dreamed. Which for some reason was me in various music videos. Why I was dancing as Shakira I don't know, and why I was in various 80's hits, I also do not know. Then I started singing songs to the girl I like. Felt a bit weird seeing her today. Anyone know a cheap (free) dream analyst, or even better, a psychologist? I think I need them. Well, after looking at this I think you think I need one.

Contrary to Olga's belief that I have no stress this year, I do. Just not school stuff. Life/Relationship stuff. Which is way to boring to go into this mighty parable.

Anyway, I got to go plan to take over the world. (Be afraid people...)

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

A Distinct Lack of Childhood

To start with, I'd just like to say that you don't have to read this. Especially the person who keeps telling me "Your blogs s***." "I hate your blog." I'm not forcing you to read this. If you feel this is a waste of 5 minutes of your life, fine. Thanks for your opinion. Now get off. I mean it. Go back to facebook/farmville/whatever and leave me alone.

Well, now thats done with...

Recently I have been reminded about my "lack of a childhood." This has been brought up because I have never seen "The Lion King." Also, the fact that I have only seen half "The Jungle Book" means I have no soul. This isn't good. I like my soul, despite it's blackened, twisted form. Well, no more. I am going to regenerate my soul. If you have "The Lion King" or "The Jungle Book" and wouldn't mind letting me borrow it, then it's time for me to have a childhood. At 17 years of age. Yay. It would even better if someone would watch it with me. If left alone, I would probably wander off half way through it. Let me know. Cheers.

Quiz tonight. Meh. I really can't be bothered. However, I will go. I will win. And I shall probably have fun. But right now. At this exact moment in time... can't be bothered. At all.
I have just remembered that I do not have two NAB's this week. I have three. Yay. And guess what... They are all tomorrow. Double yay. How much revision have I done? Well... not enough. Not anywhere near enough. Triple yay.

St Andrew's Got Talent. Yeah, believe it or not. He really does. He spoke to Jesus about his juggling act and performed it in front of the other apostles. Really. True story.

Well, of course I mean the talent show. I am one of the "Backstage Boiz" or whatever we're called now. Free ticket in return for shouting at all the acts. Sounds good to me. Also, TAKE THAT MS SMITH!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO THE SHOW!!!!! NAH NAH NEH NAH NAH!!!!!! (I have wanted to say that since yesterday btw.)

Lunchtime was good. Although my "sick minded" comebacks may have annoyed some people. I'm sorry that I see the innuendos in almost any conversation. But you lot do make it way too easy... I mean, come on, "It's a bit stiff.", "What did you just put on my face?", "She likes the bits in her juice." & "What do you use your hands for?" If it's only me that see's what can be said about those things, then I will admit being sick minded and will apologise and try to stop. If it is not just me, then... well, I'm not going to do much. I may tone it down a little bit. If you're nice. If I feel like it. If I can be bothered...

Well, I hope you all liked my blog today. I hope also that someone will stop saying "Your blogs s***." I really don't care what you think. Now go and use your blackberry to constantly be on facebook and msn. Go bitch about it on your status. I really don't care. Out of the two of us, me with my blog and you with your blackberry, who's more sad?

Anyway, on that cheery note time to go away...

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Advice and annoyances.

Ok. Tuesday now. And of the list I made on sunday in mind... I have completed one of 10 objectives. (Being completing "The Zombie Survival Guide"... again, so I am ready for zombie apocalypse. You should be too. I don't want to be the only one left.)

Well, this is tuesday, as I said above. So why didn't I blog yesterday. I was teaching. Swimming. Yeah, believe it or not, I can swim. And I can teach...ish. I can tell the kids what to do, thats pretty much it. Thats pretty much all I need to do. It's an exciting job. Well, I say job... more like slave labour. I am a volunteer. I don't get paid. I don't get anything from this apart from "satisfaction." Well, I don't even get that. Stupid kids. Need to learn how to shut up and listen to Andrew.

I hear I have a fanbase up in the common room. Hi guys. Hope you enjoy reading this a lot more than I enjoy writing this. Also, to any other people reading this. Hi. Hope you're well.

As there are many people now hanging upon my every word, I feel obliged to give a little advice. Don't do drugs. Do not worry about how the chicken crossed the road. Or it's one legged friend. Or the chewing gum stuck to it's foot. Watch "Team America", "Starskey and Hutch" & "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy." Do not drink tequila. Ever. I mean it. Do not suck cups. Do not get chocolate thrown on you. Do not put your head in a sink to wash said chocolate off. Do not go out with someone purely because you are desperate. Ok? Good.

Also, today I was asked "Why are you funny on your blog, but not in real life?" Hmm, thanks. If that was meant as a compliment, I took it the wrong way. Maybe, you should get to know me in "real life." Maybe you could find out I might be funny in "real life" too. Or maybe you might find out I am boring in "real life" as you expect. Only one way to find out..

Annoying adverts are getting on my nerves. These would be the "go compare guy", any advert to do with thrush or having a "happy period, constipation, cuddly toys, barbies, Barry Scott and his stupid "Cillit Bang." Especially annoying are the Vanish adverts with the pink ladies. If she turned up in my house, I definately would say to her "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!!!!" Not be amazed by the whiteness of my shirts.

Well, I'm off to watch the CSI trilogy thing from ages ago. I am brmming with excitement. Yay.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Easy Like Sunday Morn......Evening.

End of the weekend then. And I have accomplished a grand total of "feck all" in the past two days. I haven't met anyone. I haven't revised. I haven't done my homework. I haven't accomplished any of the things I set out to do on Friday. (Namely, finish Geography issue thing, solve world hunger, work on chembob investigation, work on physics investigation,play guitar, make world peace etc.) Due to this absolute lack of activity, I am actually looking forward to school tomorrow. I am genuinely shocked.

Also I realised that it has been about 2 years since I could last remember a dream. I know this is an odd thing to mention but I am starting to go a bit peculiar trying to remember if I had a dream or not and trying to remember said dream. It's getting a bit out of hand and I really CBA anymore with it.

Hmm, what else shall I put into this post then...

Actfast may have come and gone but I need my sponsor money, this means I either need to go see people and show them the fact that they pledged a fiver and not two pounds or I need to get "the boys" to break some legs. That will be fun. However it turns out.

NAB's are coming thick and fast this week. Chembob & Physics. (Physics is a must pass. No more chances.) This adds to an already alarming amount of geography homework to make me a "little" bit stressed. Not good.


Things to do this week...

1- Pass NAB's.
2- Go out at some point and socialise.
3- Remember a pesky dream.
4- Collect sponsor money.
5- Read "The Zombie Survival Guide" again. (You can never be too prepared..)
6- Play guitar. A lot.
7- Work.
8- Finish Geography stuff.
9- Cheer up. (Lifes not too bad at the moment. Could be better but I really should stop letting it get me down.)
10- Lose weight/Get fit.

As a footnote, I have my yearbook pages to finish and to do that I need comments from friends/aquaintances/significant others/mortal enemies/people that know me. If you'd like to put a comment on the page, let me know. I'll fill it in for you with what you want to say.

That is all.
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

A day in the life of a Raith Rovers Pieman/Temporary Vegetarian

Well, work today, derby game, expected abuse/busy times & normal pay. S'all good. Apart from the fact we ran out of hamburgers before kick off and that many fans are idiots it all went well. A few scenarios follow.

-"Got ony cheese burgers mate"
-"Sorry, we only have pies left."
-"What about hamburgers?"
-"Sorry, we only have pies left."
-"Stovies"
-"We've never sold stovies sir. Do you want a pie or do you mind if i serve someone with an IQ higher than a woodlouse?"

-"I'll have a cheeseburger. And another one. And two bovrils squire."
-"Can you repeat that, sir"
-"I'll have two cheeseburgers and two bovrils squire."
-"What was that sorry?"
-"Are you deaf squire?"
-"Are you from the middle ages my lordship?"

As you can see, my job does have some amusing moments.

Anyway, I had a small rant yesterday about my troubles in music and I would just like to thank everyone who agrees and/or feels the same way I do about it. Thanks guys.

As you may have noticed from the title, I consider myself a "Temporary Vegetarian". This is due to a hastily thought up thing I could give up for lent. Bad move. Uber bad.

It has been 32 days since I last ate meat. In these 32 days I have ate cheese, eggs, pasta, cheese, fish, rice & vegetables. And it is definately getting harder. I have to keep living off cheese for the next 14 days, so I'm almost there. That doesn't make it any easier though. At work today, I sold many Scotch Pies, Burgers, Steak Pies, Hot Dogs and Bovrils. All of which smelt good. I tell you, if this doesn't get me any extra brownie points with the Big Man himself, nothing will.

As I was checking my dates on the calendar I have just notice that Spring began today. Which is good. I think. Is it really important enough to be on my calendar? Is there really 4 seasons? Personally, I think we could make do with two. Wet and cold season & Wet and hotish season.

I think that'll do for now.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Food Glorious Food (and other things as well)

Well, friday night. I'm sitting in my room on my laptop just after watching the smithy sketch on sports relief.
As you can see, I lead a fulfiling life.

So, why am I not out "on the pull"? Doing what "slut-boy" is expected to do?

Because...
I can't be bothered. Ok? It is really as simple as that. (lets forget the fact no-ones invited me out this weekend)

The reasons for this lack of botheredness would probably have to be listed. Top of the list would be my recent "charitable helping of others by the refusal of nourishment for 24 hours." [Yes, I do know I could have just wrote "Actfast" but I want it to be special] To put it bluntly, my body is rebelling against me. My stomach feels hungry but I can't eat. I feel tired but I can't sleep. And my right ankle is stinging like a f.... well, lets just say it hurts. A lot.
As you would expect from any reasonable human being, when the time came for food, I had food. Well, to be specific, eggs. 5 in fact. [Does it disturb me that I have eaten my weeks allowance of eggs in 20 minutes? Well, it does now.] As I watched everyone else in the year feel rotten with sore heads and tummys I applauded my self control as I was not feeling anything. I thought I'd gotten away with it. I really had. Well, I didn't and we shall leave it at that.
Next would be the fact that everything I seemed to do today seemed to go horribly, horribly wrong. I play guitar in music- I get told to shut up because I'm not playing poppy, happy songs. I try and be funny and end up making someone almost break down in tears. I try to make a move on the girl I like but they are still completely oblivious. I come home try to do homework and get shouted at because I'm on my laptop. Fantastic. Just fandabedozy.
Finally, I am meant to be helping to plan a group road(rail)trip round Europe. To be honest, I have already done tons of work on this. Due to the fact that if we went on our original dates one of the group couldn't come I asked for the dates to be changed. I realised 3 days ago that these dates mean that I have 7ish hours to get back from Nottingham, get changed, get to Edinburgh airport and deal with all the stress between. Hmm, Andrew-Helping others before himself. Should be my bloody catchphrase.

Anyway, I am sorry to anyone I may of offended, insulted or snapped at today. Been a little cranky today and I shouldn't have done some of the stuff I did/said. I am not sorry for playing my guitar in my music class, where I am supposed to play it. I am also not sorry for doing homework (despite the fact it's killing my eyes)

Anyway, work tomorrow, so I should probably be catching some shut eye so I don't attempt to kill everyone tomorrow.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.

Why am I here then?

As one of my friend ever so regularaly says "so *enter word here* huh, whats up with that..."

well, sorry gonna have to nick it from you...

Hmm, "so blogs huh, whats up with that..."

Hmm, I feel a sidetrack coming ahead...

As you may have guessed this is my first attempt at this newfangled thing so bear with me. You never know, it might actually get interesting...

...or not.

Before i start with the hardcore blogging, I'm gonna clear things up.

Anyone that knows me from school will know me as one of two things:
A) The clever geek guy (chess team captain, know-it-all and general smart arse)
B) The guy who pulled at Jesus Camp.

Well, to clear this all up
-I am chess captain, I go to the chess club, I also very occaisionally play chess. Does that make me any less of a person than the guy who gets drunk and "aff his heid" every weekend or the girl who opens her legs to any Tom, Dick or Harry?
-Can anybody define a geek to me? If you can let me know, and then you can tell me whats an emo, a scene kid, a chav, a jock, a ned, a goth and every other "social group" there are. All of these boundaries which used to be oh so clear to me are now blurred. Might mean I get on with more people, but it confuses the hell out of me. I actually have to get to know someone before deciding they are a dick. (I do remember the easy days when I could just say if I would like someone from the clothes they wore- those were the days...)
-I did not pull at jesus camp. I may have pulled from it, but that period of my life is over, gone and gathering dust like all my other relationships.

Oh, now onto relationships...

As a reminder to anyone who heard a certain rumour about me... I DID NOT GET LAUREN GRAY PREGNANT!!!!

There. I feel much better now. Back to the important issue

So, why I am here...
Well, i could say that I needed to find a place to put my inner thoughts so I could stop worrying about everything. I could say that I wanted people to understand me more so they could see things from my point of view.

Or I could just say that I saw other peoples blogs and thought this could be a good idea...

Well, so what. I've jumped on the bandwagon, how many of you haven't at some point? All I want is what everyone wants, acceptance. For who they have been, who they are and who they will be. I'm not going to promise I'll be this person forever. I can't. I won't. I do not want to be this person forever. Maybe occaisionally, I might cross the blurred borders of the social groups. (I have been hovering some where between emo and geek for a while now.) Maybe I might become more of a ned, or become even more emoish. Well, what will happen will happen when it's ready. So I'm not going to worry about it. At all. Got it? Good.


Anyway, this pot of self depression and pity has to go do things in the real world now. You know, like preparing to starve myself for the good of others. That kinda thing.

Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.