I am, of course, talking about the impending zombie apocalypse.
Now, before you all go, "Useless drivel" *close window*, hear me out a bit. The thing about living is that it's a thing you don't realise how precious it is until you are going to lose it. If you knew that you were going to die on 21st of December 2012, you would immediately down tools and do something you felt was worth while. (Whether that be hedonistic orgies or mindless destruction is down to you guys really) So, I'm not saying there will be a zombie apocalypse. I am saying, just in case, lets prepare and make sure we protect what is ours, and ours alone. Life.
So, I have this book called "The Zombie Survival Guide" - by Max Brooks. It is a useful start on how to survive an all out attack on humanity by basic, groaning zombies. What do I mean by basic? Well, that would be your standard shambling flesh eater. The kind that groans "Brains..." and tries to bash your head in to get at that coveted prize. Well, as I said, it's a start. Do not rely solely on this book! It has many gaps in it and refers to firearms a lot. If you intend surviving, I'd recommend it as a starting point.
So, this is my input on the matter.
Welcome to Advanced Zombie Tactics...
These are my simple steps to preserving life.
1. Be unseen.
Ok, lets keep this simple. If a zombie hasn't noticed you. Move away quickly but quietly. If it does notice you run, jog or even "Power walk" away (depending on zombie speed) If it catches you then...
2. Knock 'em down.
As many of you know, killing a zombie involves destroying the brain. However, saying you'll do it and actually doing it are two completely different things. The human head (and therefore zombie head) is, in comparison to the rest of the body, tiny. There is no way in hell of you getting a good enough hit to break through the skull (power) and actually hit the head (accuracy) Remember, if you miss, you're wide open to infection and that is number 1 on the list of things to avoid. In fact, here is a list of things to avoid...
- Infection (Zombie virus or STI's or equivalent)
- Zombies (Especially of “Family members”)
- Illness (Of any type)
- Dead Bodies
- Panicked (Uninfected) Humans
- Wild Animals
- Infected (But not zombified) Humans.
3. Lie low.
Don't go out around a city looking for stuff to loot or for treasure or for "Zombie hunting." Until you have sufficiently mastered surviving, do NOT go looking for trouble and even when you have, don't. Life's a bitch, but it's what stops us being one of them...
4. Only go out for essentials.
Medicine, food, clean water etc are on this list. NOT X-boxes, Films, Desperate women etc.
5. Help others (but not too much)
Now, as you saw, Panicked (Uninfected) survivors were on the list of things to avoid. Now, I will admit don't go looking for trouble, but when someone's life is in danger, help them. We are all still human. Do not show anyone who you do not trust your base of operations. Do not give any indication on the amount of supplies you have at all. Do not indicate a leader.
6. Stay sane.
The biggest problem with zombies is the Psychological effect of being constantly hunted. Eventually senses dull, you get tired and then BAM you're zombie chow. Sleep in safe locations and leave someone on watch. Do not take off your shoes unless immediate security is assured and even then, not for long. You need to be ready to run at a moments notice. Keep yourself entertained.
Hopefully, this will increase your chances of surviving the impending zombie apocalypse and I won't be the only one left...
However, if you want to be a zombie, this might interest you... LINK
Services will resume as normal next post. (So more crazy stuff and rants then...)
Peace out bubs.
Andrew out.
You forgot one!! Always double tap...might not be as dead as it looks.
ReplyDeleteOh and always wear a seatbelt!
@Erin
ReplyDeleteGood point. That might go in the next survival post.